Thursday, April 26, 2012

Packing the Bag

I'm feeling pretty pregnant. Let me be clear: I'm not complaining. I have had one of the easiest pregnancies since I got through first trimester sickness, am still not huge at all, and have a healthy baby inside of me. But there are times when I'm pretty uncomfortable. Like when I'm sitting in my car or trying to pick something up and my ribs hit my uterus and I can't go farther. Times when he is stretching to all get-out and just needs more space. Times when I sneeze in bed and feel like my abs are ripping in two. In moments like these, I just feel like two boobs and a bump.

But then there are those amazing times where I look down to see my belly moving in crazy ways with a little life inside of it. Where I feel a jab and meet it with my fingers, getting to hold his little foot for the seconds before he takes it away. Where I am walking through the city on a warm day, breeze blowing around me, birds chirping and sun aglow, and I know that I am more lucky than I will ever realize. And these moments are just so sweet and pure that I don't want this to end, for him to come into the world, for me not to feel him trying to expand his home well past its limits.

I am at a bittersweet point where things are winding down. The nursery is basically finished, the major items are in place and ready to go, classes have wrapped up, and now we wait. When I really think hard about the fact that I am about to have a child, a little blend of myself and the man I love, I can barely keep the tears from flowing. I remember all of the years I've imagined this moment and I just can not believe that it's here. I cry when I imagine the birth and seeing his beautiful face for the first time, but I also cry when I think of what I'm losing.

As an impatient person I typically want things to happen now. I moved cross country within two months of deciding that Austin was where I was meant to be, returned to school on a whim, and got married with just four months of engagement. So imagining nine months of being pregnant was tough to grasp at first. Yet I realized that once he is here I can't go back, and I've been trying to make the most of every day of life as I know it. Three more weeks is just a drop in a bucket. While I'm sure my future life will be richer than I can even begin to comprehend, I really love my life now as well. It is hard to imagine that one moment will change everything so irrevocably, for better or worse, and there is no going back. I love the idea of entering this new stage but hate letting go of what is.

So maybe this is why I haven't packed the bag. While Peyton keeps reminding me (understandably) that we need to get the hospital bag ready and waiting, I keep dragging my feet. Maybe it's simply that I'm a procrastinator and being lazy. Or that I haven't found the perfect nightgown to hold my baby in the first night. But I think deep down that it's a refusal to really accept what is about to happen, to open my arms and embrace the changes ahead. It's me trying to suck in the little bit of time left where Tegan is my only baby and I can shower whenever I desire. However excited I am to meet him, I am trusting my gut to enjoy these few precious days. And I'm glad I've fought the impatience and soaked in this year. I'm so happy to be able to say that I've experienced pregnancy yet sad to realize that my first time is almost done. But whether I like it or not, I'm almost there, and the bag must be packed.


Monday, April 9, 2012

The Door to Spring

I have said numerous times throughout the past few weeks that I am done with paint. I've said it as I've sat on the floor looking at paint chips for two hours. I've said it as I rethought my choices in the aisles of Home Depot. I've said it as I put on what I thought was the final coat on a piece of furniture and laid my paint brush down. Yet still, after all the paint that has been slapped on surfaces over the past few months in this house, I decided that our front door needed an upgrade to help us spring into the season (ha ha ha... funny, no?). Maybe it was an escape from actually making decisions for the nursery or maybe it was just the fact that it's been long overdue, but we picked a color and Peyton took care of that bad boy. 

Here is the dull, dirty white door before (which we found was actually glossy once it was scrubbed down.. whoops.)

We chose a Glidden color called Extra Virgin Olive Oil in gloss. It's a bit more yellow than I was planning, but still has a fun hint of green in there. 

Well, hello there handsome. 

There are a few minor details still left, like peeling the stray paint off of the window panes (yeah, that looks kinda bad...) and touching up a few spots, but overall it makes me smile every time I see it's bright, shiny self. 

And that wreath?? My spring pride and joy! A new door deserves a new outfit, and I will share the few details on how I made it soon. 

Hoping to get a post up about the nursery soon. It finally has furniture in it and just some major organizing to go. Makes it all so much more real!