Heartbreak Town

Day 29/31 - Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories.

I've been so, so, SO looking forward to this one. Like a kindergartener looks forward to glitter. And that's a lot. 

But friends, I am tired. And this is easy. So many songs speak to me. So many. At the bottom are a few mellow ones that just shoot straight to my heart. They all take me back to my move five years ago. To round that off I've included a piece I wrote on this very thing that I love to go back to every now and then.

Enjoy.

***********************

(the corresponding song for below)

A Moment Between Lady Gaga and Usher

I'm driving down the road, wind blowing in my hair, enjoying this day, this life, this moment, when all of a sudden a few notes introduce a new song and today slips from around me. Within ten seconds, and a "Could you whisper in my ear..." I am fourteen in a tent in a pitch dark forest. Next to me my best friend Allison is curled up in her sleeping bag with just bought Wal-Mart sweats protecting her from the unexpected cold. We all thought that Orlando would be hot during spring break; sure showed us. I know there is silence around me as the wildlife begins its slumber, but what little noise there is I can't hear through the rhythm in my ears coming from my discman. With this song, these words, I am pouring my heart out to my first love on Hello Kitty stationary as blue as the sky. I tell him I miss him, how I love him, how I wish he were there. I fill one page, two pages, three. I gush and want and need. And I do; I feel all of these things in my fourteen year old heart and my reminiscing mind. "...Oh, May, do you wanna get married and run away?" I do, I do, I do. "I wanna wake up where you are, I won't say anything at all..." Our lives are planned; our love is fixed. My heart and mind know nothing else but him and our future and what we have. How could that change? How could something so entrenched in our beings disappear?

Because of this thing called Life. Because as real as everything is at fourteen, we don't see that changes come at us like bullets from all angles. They are big and small and creep in from every corner. And we can't fight them because we aren't prepared. We don't know how to protect ourselves and our most coveted treasures: our love, our relationships, our feelings. We just live it and take it and make it through better and stronger. We come out equipped and ready to face the upcoming storms. But life isn't the same, and most of our treasures are gone. Those that make it through are more deeply entrenched, yet we are stripped of so much. So we rebuild, and we renew, and we use our lessons to cherish and protect the new blessed things thoroughly. And one day we look back at what we had, the innocence and the experiences and the love, and can't believe we were ever there.

Our new lives are wonderful and lived with even more vigor since we know they are precious. But how can we not long for what was, what shaped us, what brought us here? For those times that slipped by without us even realizing they were special? For times that were mundane and every day and "normal"? In life all you take are memories, and all too often they are these trivial ones that you can't shake. They recede to the deep, dark corners of your mind and leap out at you when you least expect them. They take you, body and soul, to a place so real, so good, and so missed that they leave you wanting to buy a return flight to a nonexistent destination. They're done; they're over. But luckily your mind saw the beauty occurring long ago and buried them in songs.  And for those few minutes you can close your eyes and be enveloped again.

So keep listening and keep living. It's comforting to know that your mind looks out for you and holds what you can't consciously. Who knows what we will remember ten years from now, what tent a song will carry us to. What can be assured is these memories will be bittersweet. They will be part of you. And like my song today told me, they will be "little pieces of nothing that fall." Take those moments to breathe them in, and then get back to living your glorious life so down the road you'll still have today. 

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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The Dawning of a Musical Miracle

Blog Every Day in May

Day 18/31 - Tell a story from your childhood.

"What's Napster?" Kathryn asked, seeing the little green face on my desktop.

"No idea. Robert told me to download it months ago. It's so confusing that I just leave it alone."

There we sat in my lime green room, Backstreet Boys watching over us from a prime spot on my wall while Christina Aguilera set the mood, trying to figure out what this Napster thing was all about without the help of (then nonexistent) Google. After many minutes spent waiting on load bars and answering AIM pings and trying to figure out exactly what song we wanted, somehow we ended up with two: Video Killed the Radio Star and Tony Orlando's Knock Three Times.

I have no idea how we got them. I'd never heard of either.

We danced around in our Old Navy bell bottoms and belted lyrics like it was our job, adding the Dixie Chicks version of Can't Hurry Love about an hour in. We were ahead of the game, taking technology by the reins and letting loose. CDs be damned- we could get any song we chose.  Well, any song that we chose and could find and actually had an adequate version of but pshhh...  minor details.

High on our Tony Orlando loving horse, we called it a night, leaving ten songs in the queue and waking up to three usable ones in the morning. It was the dawning of a new decade, and it was nothing short of a miracle.

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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A Modern Mixed Tape

I'm one of those people who play songs over and over until you just want to bash your head against the dashboard the next time you hear it on the radio. It's like kids and food. They love, love, LOVE cereal and are always running out, but it's a guarantee that as soon as you buy four boxes, it's the most disgusting thing they've ever seen. Seriously, who hasn't this happened to?

That being said, I'm trying to be adult here and grow out of this stage of musical listening, but it's hard. What's amazing is that no matter how many times I've listened to a certain playlist, I will not remember it a few months down the line. That's why mix cd's were so important to my individual history. Yet, being a technologically developed gal and all, I don't really do those anymore.

So what happens when I upgrade computers and save the playlists?! Who knows! I sure as one never find them, and too many memories of dances, kisses, tears, and simply times have been lost to the great technological abyss. I may be technologically developed in some ways, but computers and memory and the internet are simply magic. Magic, I say!

In an attempt to keep these treasured goods in the family to be passed down for generations to come, I am going to document them on this here blog. There's nothing sweeter than finding a forgotten song, cranking it loud, and being transported to a time (such as this) that helped shape you. So this is my mixed tape for me.

{need help deciphering? just ask!}

Remember, sharing is caring. The best part of posting my tunes on here is getting some back from you! So please, do tell- What songs can you not get enough of? Do any of these jingles get your toes tapping too? Do you love dancing around blasting old mixes? Do you still make cd's so that you can always have a hard copy to love on? 

I love hearing new music and returning to some throwbacks, so spread the love!

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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ACL- The Non-Ligamental Variety

This weekend, my fifth Austin City Limits festival, was magic as always. Two years ago, this party was the closest thing to a honeymoon for us as we celebrated only six days post-nuptials. Last year, excitement came as I saw two pink lines on a stick, telling me that the festivities would be sans Pimms. And with smiles all around, this ACL included little Dex.

The festival is my favorite staycation. The perfect blend of relaxation and go-go-go, it keeps you trekking from stage to stage and has you sunbathing in between. (Well, sunbathing or rain dancing, depending on the day.) The sun is hot or the rain is cool; very rarely have I experienced that beautiful temperate day. But this hardly matters as you are surrounded by friends and friends-to-be and people that are enjoying the same space, and there is a fulfilling oneness in this that takes the experience far beyond the music.

It's weekends like this that make me long to be a professional photographer. I wish I could take all my feelings, emotions, thoughts, and memories and wrap them up into a perfect little package for all to see. I wish I could capture the way the short grass feels on bare feet or the sounds of competing bands over happy voices sound or the way the hodge podge of colors and people and umbrellas and flags is beautiful. I want to show you why teaching Declan to two-step is now on my list, so he can take a pretty girl by the hand and lead her around a dirt floor on her tip toes. Or for you to feel the hidden beauty that comes when standing in line for the porta-potties at sunset while watching hundreds throw their hands up to some reggae. We take pictures, but they don't do it justice. So please- just go. It's awesome and won't be regretted. Camp Declan, under the bright orange Hup Holland flag, will be waiting for ya'.

 Until next year ACL. You never fail to disappoint. 

(This post shall be filed away for whenever Declan decides that we're lame. Excuse me son, we knew cool before you could crawl. Though, this title and those pics of him might prove otherwise...)

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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Today's Playlist

Today I tried running for the first time in a few months. It started as a walk, but as often happens my mighty iPod motivated me to push a bit harder. Luckily I had legs itching to run and a mind needing clarity, so I tried it. And it felt good. Until afterwards, of course, when my ankle was sore and my back felt off kilter. But it was one hundred percent completely worth it. So in the spirit of my run and my iPod, I'm sharing a few songs off the playlist that I was loving. It's eclectic, and apparently just what I needed.

Some energetic Linkin Park Feat. Jay-Z got it started with "Numb Encore." Typically listen to it when flying down a hill on skis, so definitely had to get moving to this one.

Then came the emotions. Coldplay's "Fix You," the song I am counting down the days to hear at ACL.

I love this song so much I need the lyrics. It's as beautiful on paper as in the air.

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"

And finally, to round off my slightly depressing hits, I ended with a soul-lifter: 

OneRepublic "Good Life"

"Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me
What there is to complain about...

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life"

Here's to the start of a good week!

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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A Moment Between Lady Gaga and Usher

I'm driving down the road, wind blowing in my hair, enjoying this day, this life, this moment, when all of a sudden a few notes introduce a new song and today slips from around me. Within ten seconds, and a "Could you whisper in my ear..." I am fourteen in a tent in a pitch dark forest. Next to me my best friend Allison is curled up in her sleeping bag with just bought Wal-Mart sweats protecting her from the unexpected cold. We all thought that Orlando would be hot during spring break; sure showed us. I know there is silence around me as the wildlife begins its slumber, but what little noise there is I can't hear through the rhythm in my ears coming from my discman. With this song, these words, I am pouring my heart out to my first love on Hello Kitty stationary as blue as the sky. I tell him I miss him, how I love him, how I wish he were there. I fill one page, two pages, three. I gush and want and need. And I do; I feel all of these things in my fourteen year old heart and my reminiscing mind. "...Oh, May, do you wanna get married and run away?" I do, I do, I do. "I wanna wake up where you are, I won't say anything at all..." Our lives are planned; our love is fixed. My heart and mind know nothing else but him and our future and what we have. How could that change? How could something so entrenched in our beings disappear?

Because of this thing called Life. Because as real as everything is at fourteen, we don't see that changes come at us like bullets from all angles. They are big and small and creep in from every corner. And we can't fight them because we aren't prepared. We don't know how to protect ourselves and our most coveted treasures: our love, our relationships, our feelings. We just live it and take it and make it through better and stronger. We come out equipped and ready to face the upcoming storms. But life isn't the same, and most of our treasures are gone. Those that make it through are more deeply entrenched, yet we are stripped of so much. So we rebuild, and we renew, and we use our lessons to cherish and protect the new blessed things thoroughly. And one day we look back at what we had, the innocence and the experiences and the love, and can't believe we were ever there.

Our new lives are wonderful and lived with even more vigor since we know they are precious. But how can we not long for what was, what shaped us, what brought us here? For those times that slipped by without us even realizing they were special? For times that were mundane and every day and "normal"? In life all you take are memories, and all too often they are these trivial ones that you can't shake. They recede to the deep, dark corners of your mind and leap out at you when you least expect them. They take you, body and soul, to a place so real, so good, and so missed that they leave you wanting to buy a return flight to a nonexistent destination. They're done; they're over. But luckily your mind saw the beauty occurring long ago and buried them in songs.  And for those few minutes you can close your eyes and be enveloped again.

So keep listening and keep living. It's comforting to know that your mind looks out for you and holds what you can't consciously. Who knows what we will remember ten years from now, what tent a song will carry us to. What can be assured is these memories will be bittersweet. They will be part of you. And like my song today told me, they will be "little pieces of nothing that fall." Take those moments to breathe them in, and then get back to living your glorious life so down the road you'll still have today.

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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Positively Charged

It's interesting what you pick up on when you have plans of writing. My mind seeks out the obscure and spins it around to somehow connect it with the important. But maybe it is these small, everyday things that we see, or the thousands that we don't, that are what's important. Maybe they are what make our days interesting and wonderful but we rarely take the time to look. Maybe it's good to give your mind a chance to seek out the tiny wonders; to give your imagination a shot at adding storylines and colors. And just maybe they're what I need to spot to motivate myself to document moments in my life so later down the road I can look back and smile. So instead of pulling out timelines and events to explain my SXSW, I will give it a whirl with my memories, no matter how trivial they may seem.

The Good:


1. The year of the maraca. Day one: maracas are everywhere. I saw six bands this day, and four of them used the same yellow butternutsquash-esque maraca. What is going on here? Now, I admit, this could possibly (just possibly mind you!) be that I am drawn to bands that use maracas. In that case, I have just learned something about my, well, excellent taste. But still, the same one?! Trust me, there is a maraca conspiracy at hand... and I'm loving it like macaroni loves vegan cheese.

2. Friends. This week I was surrounded by people. We had nine extras in our house and throughout the streets there were thousands. My experience was what it was due to a few in particular. Hanging out with one of my life-long besties, Allie, and her friend Larissa, was great. I'm so glad that they got a chance to experience South By and their enthusiasm was definitely contagious. Fran, our manager friend from London, was a necessary part to the group as well. He gives us the scoop for many a show and adds a hilariously cynical element while sipping on a margarita. And as hard and frustrating as it can be to connect with people via text during those busy days, I was psyched to see three of my favorite B'more transplants (Emily, Sophie, and Dianna) out and about as well. All in all, great people in a great place!

3. Peyton. Overall, I just plain enjoyed being around him. But there are a few specific memories that come to mind that make me grin. Such as when he would hold my pink puma bag because it was simply too heavy for my delicate shoulders. Or when he would stay with me to see a show of my choosing even though his was going on simultaneously. Or how he would order my bloody marys (ies?) sans worstershire sauce because it has anchovies, even though I really wouldn't have known either way. But the best memory is the following conversation had at a show by Foster the People, a male pop/rock group:

Peyton (while holding the pink bag): You know who the bassist looks like?
Me (enjoying being told to take a good, long look at the bass strumming man): Who?
Peyton: Big.
Me: (No response... Just stares semi-blankly at P.)
Peyton: Come on, you know, from Sex and the City. Just like him. (He then took a sip of his drink with his pinky up just a bit... No joke.)

... So maybe this is a "had to be there" type convo, or maybe I've just scared more men into thinking that putting on their super macho show is definitely the way to go, but hearing Peyton so nonchalantly bring up a male Sex and the City character in conversation was just plain heartwarming.

His is the guy in blue.

4. The music. If this wasn't listed on everyone's "best ofs" then SXSW wouldn't be the hugely successful festival that it's become. There is just so much! You know you listened, clapped, and maybe boogied a bit, but the 20+ hours of songs all begins to run together. In the end these are the five six seven bands that are stuck in my mind.

- Matt Nathanson-- This pop rocker never fails to disappoint. Maybe he's my guilty pleasure, but he's good, and I even enjoyed his new stuff more than his old. Got my fix by seeing him twice. Listen here!

- Foster the People-- Their song "Pumped Up Kicks" got us to the show, and even though it wasn't representative of their other stuff, I liked it a lot. They are Maroon 5-esque with just enough rock to add some edginess.

- Still Corners-- The band we hosted was lovely, and were good musicians to boot. Labeled as "dream pop," they like to give a London in the 60s feel. The scene was set by turning off all the lights in the outside venue and just singing to the glow of their projector running interesting images. Their mellowness even melted into a highly enjoyable jam session. More on them here.

- French Horn Rebellion-- Our friend Fran found this band and has something good on his hands. They are a DJ/electro/dance duo who had me from the moment they requested the audience to dance like their favorite animal. While I did the elephant followed by a ferocious alligator, Peyton whipped out his best chicken. I would have loved to snap a pic, but the venue was a dark high-ceilinged cave like place nestled in next to a rock face. Very cool scene, and very fun band. Boogy break! (We also found out on Sunday that the curly haired one, David, has a potential career in bowling. We call him the Bulldozing Bullet.)

- The Airborne Toxic Event-- Maybe it's a desire to break from my happiness for a bit that gets me loving their darker, heart wrenching songs about love lost and life. Somehow, they just speak to my soul. They are rock and roll with a dramatic edge, this time including a string quartet to up the ante. We are seeing them in May for the fourth time and I am even more psyched. Here is their most popular and here is my favorite.

- The Head and The Heart-- If I could recommend only one band this would be it. We stumbled across them first thing on Wednesday at noon, and I made sure to see them every chance I could after that (three times total.) They are what Airborne isn't, inspirational, folky, and upbeat, but they also have a lot in common. They both have one female member who plays the violin, loads of energy and intensity, slow starts with dramatic buildups, and great storytelling abilities. Simply put, they stole my heart. Love love love. (Just found this video too from the noon show that took my heart. What makes it better? The maraca makes its appearance!! Plus I'm there... That's pretty cool too.)

- Yoko Ono-- How could seeing the granny-age, huge-part-of-the-Beatles-breakup girate her hips, style it up with a tophat, sunglasses (clearly she got Corey Heart's memo), and midway wardrobe change, all while making strange noises into the mic be anything but priceless? What a perfect way to end an unforgettable festival. You can get an idea here, even though there was a band with her at South By who was actually quite talented. Peyton pointed out that she is possibly the only singer who has ever had her mic volume lower than the instruments. We also would love to see her in a sing-off with Wing. Or maybe even a duet?

5. Walking. I love movement. I especially love movement with a purpose. And I really, really like walking with a purpose through a city. So our transportation of choice was highly enjoyable to me. I love walking the miles and miles exploring Austin. I enjoy the people, the smells (both good and bad), the posters, the energy. I do not enjoy the bruised heels, but they come with the territory of wearing flats whilst traversing city streets. Every year I look forward to making my way through this town on foot, and every year I find something new and interesting that I love.

This year's find: mustache see-saw complete with glasses.

6. Being alone in a crowd. One of the things on my life list is to see a movie alone. Sounds easy, I know, but I am a person who will stay home if going out means going solo. Being out and about means talking, socializing, interacting. That's why it surprises me just how much I love the solitary feeling I get at South By. Walking through the crowded streets, I feel encapsulated in my mind and my body. I am not hiding from the mania; it's the living and and breathing and enjoying that moment that makes me see myself as an individual in a spectacular world full of people. I am my own being who is wholly different and wholly the same as everyone else out there. The crowds create a calm stillness in my mind and soul that hugs me close. When I get to the silence of a parking garage, the lack of noise is almost deafening, but it then becomes a tight blanket around my thoughts in which I can truly appreciate all of my blessings.



And Now... The Bad:


1. Charging phone batteries. All. The. Time. I've become a pro at spotting outlets in hidden corners and shadowed ceilings. When wanting to disconnect from technology and needing to communicate through texts to make plans, this requirement was doubly annoying.


2. ..... 


... At a loss for the second, so for now, that's it. Bodes well when the goods far out weigh the bads. Or maybe it's that that bad was just so over poweringly annoying that I can't think of any others. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure that in the long run only the goods will remain.  What can I say... they hold the most charge!


So all in all- live positively, don't be afraid to walk alone sometimes, and whenever possible, dance like a chicken. 

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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