A Torn Heart

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After lugging far too many bags through three airports, we are settling back in to life in Austin. It hurt my heart a bit to return. Not because I don't love it here, I do, but more because of what I had to leave behind. Practically speaking, it's harder here. No home prepared vegan meals unless we fix them; no help with the baby when we need a break; no one but ourselves to deal with the mini-dogs Tegan sheds off. 

What hurts the most though is all emotional. Leaving my parents and friends in a place where I can't just run over for a visit. Letting go of any hopes for snow. Not being present for what is most likely Ray Lewis' last game in Baltimore. Knowing that the next time my baby will experience my city he will probably stand on his own two feet. All of that is simply hard. 

Coming in the door was painful on Thursday. I cried (not that that is a huge rarity these days with all the hormones... will that never end?!) and told Peyton I was done here. Ready to be home. Ready to raise my children with a surrounding village that I know and love. But after a few somewhat harsh (though practical) words from him, I realized that there is nothing we could do about it that day. The band-aid had just come off and I had to take it. 

There are definitely ways to not just cope, but thrive, here. Like the much needed girl's night I had with other Baltimore transplants just a few hours after our return, complete with red wine, Whole Foods pizza, and lots of Ravens talk and Declan loving. Or the glorious smell of my new candle filling the kitchen air. Or sitting quietly in front of a raging fire watching Declan practice scooting. These are moments that definitively show that I am also home here. It makes it easier to simply "be" but harder to choose our future. 

Home is where the heart is, but my heart is completely torn. I love two places and two lives. (I'd probably love more if I tried, so please, use force if I attempt to add another home base to my list.) Who knows where the future will take us or what path we'll choose to walk. I can just hope that we are lucky enough to have these choices. In the meantime I will do my best to appreciate this place, these people, and this town. I will try to fill our days with love, fun, warmth, and memories of Austin that will glow brightly for years. And yes, I will probably on occasion cry. Because sometimes that's all you can do. 

Let's go Ravens!!

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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Ring in the Reflections and Renewal

2:00 a.m. last night found me changing a screaming baby out of soaking clothes. (If there's one thing that Dex hates in life, it's getting his midnight snack delayed.) As I stood there, trying to wrestle him dry, having long ago given up on the pacifier that was doing nothing but adding time to the experience, I realized that the city was alive with drunk strangers celebrating a fresh start. Visions of confetti flying, girls in golds and silvers and guys in 2013 top hats filled my head. The world alive in phases full of dancing, kissing, cheering, and merriment. Luckily jealousy was nowhere to be found, as the desire for sleep and a soothed baby topped all. "Happy new year, sweet boy," I whispered as he finally nestled against me.

What an amazing year to be ending, and an even more exciting one up ahead. While I have resolved not to make any resolutions, because making them seems to make them that much less likely to stay put, I do see each year as a fresh start. After the coziness of the holidays and the gathering of stuff, the new year brings a time to cleanse and purge. Organize. Clean. Appreciate. It brings a sense of knowing what you have, seeing what you can accomplish, and hands out new energy to get there.

Today I will look excitedly at the possibilities this year brings. I will try to organize my life and plans, getting what I can lined up to feel my future appropriately controlled. I think there is peace in having things scheduled- the mani/pedi marked down for tomorrow, our flight times and confirmation scratched in, and all the bills for the upcoming months flagged. This control allows opportunities for more spontaneity. It ushers me forward to enjoy the days, rather than worry that I'm forgetting a tidbit that will bite me later. 

With this planning though I will also reflect. I will look at the year that brought me here. The year that was good down to the core. While our blog has quite a few events missing (such is life as a bad blogger), it does manage to show some important moments. If you're new, I hope you get to know us a bit better. If you're a follower, thank you so much for journeying with us. 

Without further ado, here's a rundown of our 2012. 

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JANUARY

Alas, no blog posts. My mom, Tegan, and I drove cross-country from Baltimore to Austin to enjoy a bit more time together sans baby. Thoughts of boy nurseries swirled in my head. And I ended the month off celebrating my first quarter century with a fantastic group of friends at the Clay Pit. 

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FEBRUARY

I made some resolutions for my 25th year. (I kind of dread actually going back through those...) And we shared our first sewing project: the super easy DIY dog bed. 

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MARCH

The third trimester marked my first posts on pregnancy, here and here. It also included my last solo trip to Baltimore for our wonderful baby shower. Peyton kept himself from missing me too much by beginning work on the nursery, but that is a post that is yet to be posted. A llllong time coming, I know. 

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APRIL

To usher in a new season and new life, we did a quick house update by freshening up the front door. The back bedroom was in a state of renewal as well with paint all over, new furniture, and fun finds. Instead of posting these updates, I decided to procrastinate and enjoy life as a pregnant chica, which included seeing friends at another great shower for our little man.

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MAY

Well, we had a baby, five short days after squeezing in my maternity photos and praying that my mom would make it in time. She did, and on May 11th at 9:27am we all welcomed sweet Declan into the world. What an amazing, amazing time those next few weeks were, and while filled with loads of happiness and pictures, they were also bittersweet. Overall I learned to always try and soak in the '"now". 

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JUNE

As can be imagined, our main focus was sweet boy, but we also managed to enjoy our first family trip and begin the weekly photo project.

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JULY

Baltimore. Athens. Baltimore. Yay, yay, yay! Declan got to meet lots and lots of friends and add two new states to his already growing list of travels. He transitioned out of his stretching/grunting baby phase to adding smiles and little "heh heh" laughs. 

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AUGUST

It hit me that I have now become old while far too young, Declan slept through the night for the first time (that would have been nice last night...), and we filled our month with baby love and relaxation.

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SEPTEMBER

Declan turned four months and added laughing to his growing list of achievements. Peyton showed off his woodworking skills with a beautiful handmade gift for D. And my money spending desires were quashed by well thought up husband tactics. 

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OCTOBER

Austin City Limits came and went, Peyton added another year to his life resume, and we actually posted TWO things (one and two) for the pinterest challenge! The whole month ended by celebrating Declan's first halloween with fantastic family coordinated costumes.

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NOVEMBER

America had that little thing called an election, and even though we voted early, I still got caught up in the day. Declan got his first two teeth, ate his first food, and then six weeks of travel began along with an unplanned blogging hiatus. We celebrated Thanksgiving in Bristol where Declan was loved on lots by his Nana and Papaw and then we were lucky enough to help with the gorgeous wedding of Preeti and Brian.

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DECEMBER

Baltimore and Bristol. Sickness and sleep. Present buying and wrapping. Declan's first Christmas! There was snow before and after the day itself, a wonderfully crisp walk in the park day of, and lots of game playing all around. Declan enjoyed the month by mastering circles and backward scooting and is currently testing his legs by jumping fiercely. 

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WHEW!! And that is why you want the new year to be a fresh start. Looking back at the year before is exhausting stuff (if you even made it this far!).  How lucky we are though to be able to say it was ours. 

What are your thoughts on New Year? Are you a reflector, purger, resolution maker? Or do you think it's all silly and arbitrary? I'd love to see any recaps you have of 2012, or hear any 2013 plans!

And in the wise words of Jimmy, "Have a very fruitful (365) day(s)!"

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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Alive.

Ugh. I'm alive. Not blogging, but alive. I've had the best intentions to get on here and tell you all things that you probably aren't even that curious about in the first place. But then... I just didn't.  

You see, when I travel I shut off. I want to see people, but texting? Too hard. Emails? Who needs them! And who these days actually knows how to use a phone for it's original purpose anyway? I've even fallen behind on blog reading. 

Couple my severe disconnect with the fact that we journeyed over and yon, driving to Bristol then Nashville then back here to Baltimore. The ten day span included Thanksgiving, seeing family, and preparing for and celebrating a fantastic wedding (which I am superdee-duper excited to share with you!). 

And the cherry-on-top of this grand excuse for silence is a nasty sickness which has called me home since last Monday. The same Monday that happened to follow a broken four hours of sleep and contained our thirteen hour trek back to charm
cit-ay. Probably not the best for fighting illness and contagion. 

So there you have it. I had these excuses, every day planned on being here typing away, and as the days ticked by I became a scaredy-cat about coming back.

You know how it goes- you don't write and don't write and the pressure builds to do something great but you just don't have the inspiration or energy to make it happen. And as time passes the pressure mounts and you just curl up and hide.

So here I am, not with something great, but at least with an explanation as to where I've been.

I wish I had excitement to share. I wish I'd gone through the 1500 photos from our time in Tennessee. But all I've got right now are some antibiotics and a strong desire to start enjoying this Christmas season through more than just instragram photos.

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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A Friday Quickie

I'm not usually one for short posts, as any one who reads this blog ever knows, but right now I just want to get it down that we are in Baltimore. Cold, crisp Bal-tee-more. We've been busy this past week cleaning and packing and getting ready to leave our house until 2013. And now, with hours of flights (and a few delays) behind us, we have arrived. Dex is cuddled up in the only warm room in the house, Peyton is planning out our Tennessee Thanksgiving plans with family, and I am typing away with Grey's paused in the background and a piece of cake staring me down.

So for now, have a wonderful Friday evening and I'll be back with more soon!

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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Some Beautiful People in a Beautiful Place

When Declan was just an itty-bitty five weeks old we were lucky enough to be welcomed to Pensacola by my cousin Andrew and his lovely girlfriend Kim. We savored five days of beach, sun, sailing, good food, and even better people. Leaving was hard, but knowing that more fun will ensue when they come to visit (yes?!) makes it a bit easier. So thank you, thank you, thank you Andrew and Kim for hosting us. Austin demands a trip in return!

Love you guys!

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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