These Busy Days

For Throwback Thursday -- something I wrote roughly three weeks ago (five weeks into two-under-two) but want to post for the archives.

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When I sit down to write it feels that I have so much trying to tumble out that all the words block themselves. It's silly really, because throughout my day, every day, I go through what I want to post and how I want to capture certain snapshots of this or that moment or dive into topics that I long to go deeper on. But then life happens, that life that consists of a newborn and a toddler, and another day slips by where I don't find time to capture these thoughts. And they build and build until I am here, spending precious moments writing about why I'm not writing what I've longed to write.

But this is my life currently.

Feed, diaper, repeat.
Feed, diaper, repeat.
Carry stray sock back to bedroom and old smoothie cup back to kitchen.
Eat.
Feed, diaper, repeat.
Laundry.
Re-spin laundry because of the god-awful washing machine.
Tummy time.
Blocks.
No, markers.
No, blocks.
ELMO.
ELMO!
Feed, diaper, repeat.
Hang diaper covers outside for proper UV cleansing power.
Ring out still wet diapers before dryer.
Another load.
Another load.
"ou-side, ou-side, ou-side."
No, smother Sybil.
Kiss Sybil.
Run away with Sybil's paci.
Feed, diaper, repeat.
Nap time.
Take what feels like one single long breath after getting Declan down and Sybi to sleep annnnd...
"Ma-ma!"
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.

It's an all out scramble to get necessities completed, while at the same time trying to slowly soak in these precious moments of growth and development that are happening day in and day out. So when there are moments where I let myself just be, where everyone is settled and asleep, I have choices to make. Do I go from the to-do list that caters to the house and productivity? Do I take this time to try to keep even a small flame lit under my hobbies? Or do I sleep? Because, well... sleep. And each day I've tried to rotate it around but it's hard. It's hard to choose pleasures over production, though it is truly just as important. And it's hard to realize that this list will never end, much like the laundry. The never-freakin'-ending laundry.

Adding in a second really has been far less intimidating than I had worried. It really helps that she sleeps (more like she's an olympic sleeper) and that the past few mornings I've woken up truly refreshed. But the monotony of the job can get intense, as I'm repeating the same actions over and over and over again, sometimes with very little to show for it. (Just children who've made it through the day, but you know, no biggie.) And this is not me complaining. I am lucky to have the pleasure of soaking them in while they grow. But once in a while, as in every day these days, I just wish that our house would magically clean itself over night or that I'll awake to find a fridge full of prepared plates for Declan's day.

What can I say? A girl can dare to dream...

LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

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