Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Just Write.

{no fear, just joy. i could learn so much from those little hands. go for it. you'll learn.}
Basically I've been in a rut. A big blogging rut. I have words inside me that just jumble together and each time I sit down to try to sort them out I get caught up in other people's posts or can't find the way to start or basically just itch to do something else. Which then gets me thinking about why exactly I blog.

There are some bloggers out there who say they do it only for themselves and don't care if anyone reads. And sure, for a few of us that might juuust possibly not be a big pile of stink. But clearly, for the majority who write in this public forum and make our work available for others to see, it matters. So I'm not going to lie- it really does mean something to me. When I post and get comments it's like a hit to my blogging druggie system- I want more. This in turn makes me want to post good content that others will appreciate and want to discuss with me. But that right there is the problem- I freeze.

Instead of just writing what's on my mind I feel the need to be perfect. And we all know there is no perfect out there. There will always be something more I could have said or a better way to put it or prettier pictures to post. Just like there will always be bloggers I admire or a post that I know I should have thought of first. And of course there's that nasty sense of competition, whether willful or not, abundant in the blogging world and the mom world and the whatever-else-you-do world. All of these things- always. It's simply on me to fight those feelings.

Luckily in a few of these recent frozen moments I decided to to seek out my own archives for a peek at what I've given in the past years. And it's been good. So good. I am proud of what I did in May. I am proud of the posts that I didn't want to write but gritted through and just followed the thought that getting something down is what's important, perfect or not. I am proud of taking the time out of my life to document important periods, moments where Declan's age is captured in snapshot or a morning run is not forgotten. Instead of regretting the ones I missed, I need to celebrate the times I captured and look to how to capture more in the future. And that comes by throwing aside perfection.

Perfect or not, I always appreciate looking back at what I wrote. This blog is my memory keeper, my scrapbook, my diary. I never regret a post I follow through with. When I clear the cobwebs and push aside the hesitations. Do I hope you'll read and comment? Of course. It still means far more to me than I wish it would. But in the end, when my brain freezes and my fingers won't move, I just need to remember that this is the time. The best time to capture this moment.


LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

10 comments:

  1. Good grief. It's like you just got into my head through a trap door and wrote down all of my thoughts (and fears). I've been in such a weird place with my writing the least few months. Especially with the blog. I need to learn the difference between GROWING and CHANGING TO BE LIKE OTHERS. I want to grow. Both in my blog and in my prose--but there's a fine line. And I'm having trouble balancing it. I love your posts. And I like your blog the way it is. And I like getting a glimpse inside someone's day and their mind. <3

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  2. Yes, yes, yes!!
    The competition - yup, I feel it, too. It also feels like a popularity contest sometimes, and me failing to be part of the cool kids. But you are SO right: it is our memory lane. Our diary. Knowing that so many others (maybe all?) have the same feeling of inadequacy, or insecurity, or being flawed - it is priceless.
    Thank you!!
    This post is GOLD. Another one where you can feel proud. It is perfection!

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  3. Know that there are people out there (I know there are more than just me!) who enjoy your writing, and who miss you and your photos of Declan when you are frozen for too long! If it's any consolation, you are envied by me, for your writing, and for a few other things I'll not disclose:)

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  4. Did you just crawl into my head and read my thoughts on blogging? I love the outlet my blog has given me to indulge in writing and connecting to that part of me I had put on the shelf for so long. It is easy to forget that is why I love blogging (and connecting with cool ladies such as yourself) and compare myself to other blogs. Keep on writing, some of us love what you have to say.

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  5. You wrote this post right when I needed to read it. Great stuff, my friend. Truly.

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  6. Love this! At the end of the day, it really HAS to be about you, because you're the only one who will care about it forever. Do you make your blog into a book? I do, and I love having something concrete to look back at. Little moments and thoughts you would otherwise forget. I like your blog a lot :)

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  7. Christina....
    I have been absent from Blogging for awhile as I've been overcoming a wrenched right knee. Although it is hurting at the moment, at least I can now sit at this flat-screened desktop computer sans any leg discomfort!! I. Am. Resilient!! ;-D
    "No fear, just joy. I could learn so much from those little hands. Go for it. You'll learn." Mmmm.... ;)
    It is called Bloggers Block. Which, I have experienced. I think that Blogger's Block must me contagious, because once somebody had it and, after reading her post, I, too, was lost!! Hee, hee, hee.... ;-D
    "There are some bloggers out there who say they do it only for themselves and don't care if anyone reads. And sure, for a few of us that might juuust possibly not be a big pile of stink. But clearly, for the majority who write in this public forum and make our work available for others to see, it matters. So I'm not going to lie- it really does mean something to me. When I post and get comments it's like a hit to my blogging druggie system- I want more. This in turn makes me want to post good content that others will appreciate and want to discuss with me.". I can wholeheartedly relate!! I tend to have a "journalist" mindset. If I did not receive many comments, then the post wasn't successful. My dear Blogging Friends? I write for them. But on the other hand? I do also write for myself.... ;)
    --Raelyn

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  8. Thank you for this post and for sharing your thoughts, fears, etc. I really identify with how you feel. I, too, have also been somewhat in a blogging "rut." Radio silence for the entire month of January... nothing since we've moved back to the US. I think I've realized that my "rut" is more like avoidance. I'm avoiding acknowledging the fact that our expat life is over (for now). I also am afraid that the reality of this big change will really start to sink in and possibly bring along some sad thoughts of things that are now very much in the past... and perhaps that just isn't something I'm ready for yet. But at the same time, I KNOW that I will regret not documenting this time of transition. So much is going on... repatriating has been an interesting experience, new views on our culture, stresses of an overseas move, holidays... and I know that my "window" for documenting these things is closing... I need to document this time in our lives. I don't want to wait/avoid so long that it somehow becomes irrelevant. I, too, am frozen. But I think your words have been the kick in the butt I need... it might be a slow process, but I know I just need to get started. Like you said, I need to remember that this IS the best time to capture these moments. Thanks for the inspiration. I vow to set aside some blogging time this weekend. Oh, and sorry for basically free-associating/starting my blog post in your comment section ;-)

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  9. I really like your posts, I love your writing style and I wish I could write like that. But I really can relate to the blogging rut and time just keeps passing by so quickly that you easily can go without posting for a week or 2 ....or 3.

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  10. Blogging every day in May last year helped me too! I still have some posts that I write very carefully, but I've learned to write the occasional short and imperfect post.

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Comments are kinda the best and brighten my day! :)

And psst... I'd really love to write back, but usually do so through email, so I hope you're not a no-reply commenter!