Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Birthday Owed

Today is my birthday. 
A good one too. 
A legitimizing myself as an adult type one where I am now closer to 30 than 20. 
I've got blue skies, perfect temps, two boys, two dogs, and two cats to keep me company. 

Plus some really nice cards in the mail. I really love getting mail. 

I'm not sure if it's the age or the fact that I'm now a mother, but this is the first birthday I can remember where I feel like it really isn't a big deal. 
Don't get me wrong, I love it. 
I think it's important for everyone to get a day to simply celebrate their presence on this earth. 
Plus I get to eat whatever I want without consequence. It's a birthday rule.

But there's a missing hero in all this celebration: my mom.

Having now gone through that whole somewhat amazing thing of birth myself, I know how kinda, sorta big it is.  

So I try to imagine what it was like for her. 

The eagerness mounting as her belly got bigger. 
How an ordinary day became the one
The pain she went through for hours, laboring to get me out; excitement mounting as our beginning came closer and closer.
Pushing, pushing, puuushing until all of a sudden I was there.
A girl!
Crying, kicking, aching to be warm and cozy again. 
And then she got to hold me.
To look in my cloudy, confused eyes and comfort me with love.
To feel my new skin, hear my new cries, and examine every inch of my tiny little body.
To wonder who I was and what I would become. 
*Sidenote: It is absolutely mind-blowing to me that this happened 26 years ago to the day. 

Who knows what I felt. I imagine some major squishing and fear, coupled with a "what the eff is going on!"and lots of cold air, brightness, and noise.
But then there was warmth and comfort creating a feeling that my lot was improving. 
Some faces, my first taste of sweet, being man-handled as I was measured and checked, and more introductions being made.
All in all, pretty overwhelming I'm sure. 
It's probably a good thing we can't remember being born.

But for her

For her I can see how exciting and scary it must have been to be starting a brand new chapter. 
How my few pounds held so many hopes and dreams and love.
How amazed she must have been that yet again she brought life into the world. 
And how even if I had no conscious idea of anything, she did all that was in her power to make my beginning perfect.

So today is a bit different for me.
While I am so happy to be celebrated, just as I enjoy celebrating the arrival of others, I also feel that I don't dedicate enough time to the actual events of that day.
She does, I'm sure, and I'm glad I've realized how important it is to try.  

I now see that today is my mom's day too. 
Her day to celebrate, her day to remember, and her day to be adored by me for giving the gift of life. 

So thank you mom, for giving me your best, which always happens to be just what I need. 

I really, truly, to-the-core love you.


1 comment:

  1. well..

    clearly I've never thought of my birthday quite this way before.

    for the record, I hate my birthday.


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