Saturday, February 22, 2014

36 Weeks

There was a time (before I was pregnant) when I imagined growing a second child and documenting the whole experience in the ways that I wanted to but didn't with Declan. (I started at 29 weeks with him and only wrote a handful of times- 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. )

This was, of course, before I realized that I'd also be taking care of a toddler, a household, and myself. Basically adding more on to my plate than I'd ever had with the first pregnancy and thus fighting to stay afloat with my actual responsibilities. So writing those weekly updates was not to be yet again. The few so far will just have to do, because we are in the home stretch.

I'm so excited and so scared at the same time. I know what's going to come in some significant ways- the feeling of holding her sweet weight for the first time, the coos and smells and weight of her sleeping on my chest, the hours upon hours spent breastfeeding for what seems like e-ter-ni-ty. And this knowledge is wonderful and terrifying all at once, since along with the sweetness comes the lack of sleep- something you can only understand once you've been there. Then there are the unknowns that come from already having Declan to care for and love. How to share the attention fairly; how to manage on minuscule amounts of sleep without napping; how to change 2,371 diapers a day. All of that is more than a teensy bit frightening.

We're getting to the point of knowing she could arrive at any time. (As in, I'm 3 cm dilated and 70% effaced, so literally have been warned she could come at any time...) I've been balancing being in overdrive trying to get things done with the fact that I'm 36 weeks pregnant, a feeling that is starting to hit me hard. It's one day on and one day off of energy supply. And even on those go hard days I have to remind myself that sleep will be limited soon so get it while I can, which just adds another task to my to-do list.

This whole flow of consciousness is to remind myself yet again that she's coming. Anytime. It's gone from some weird kind of "if" feeling to "when." Yet still it feels totally like dreamland. I just wanted to take a moment to honor this. This moment of knowing life is about to change drastically but not knowing when. To try to savor the feelings of her kicking within since she can never go back, even as she shifts her weight onto nerves that don't appreciate having that weight on them one bit. These final days where Declan is the only one I look at through my mama eyes; where he's my one and only.

I'm going to be a mother of two children in mere days. 

And one of them will be a daughter. 


*Follow any updates on instagram!*

*listening to*
Story of My Life - One Direction
Happy - Pharrell Williams
Best Day of My Life - American Authors
See You Tonight - Scotty McCreery



  1. you look great girl. :D

  2. I've been thinking about you, fab mama. I am so excited for you, your boys, and your sweet little baby girl--sending lots of good energy your way!
    P.S. You look amazing! I was the size of a boat in my third trimester.

  3. Oh sweet girl. I can only try my best to identify with your feelings. That wonder of the stillness just before everything changes drastically and forever! Let your fears be put at ease, friend. You will balance and manage. And you will be amazing as a momma of two. I can't wait for you to share when she comes!!! Such an exciting wonderfully emotionally charged few days you have before you!! Thinking of you!!!!!

  4. Thank you for sharing your emotional state at this precious time! I'm always curious to hear what it feels like being so close to giving birth. As someone who has never experienced that it is so difficult to imagine!
    You look terrific, amazing! What baby weight?

  5. This is so incredibly sweet. And Declan and your little girl are two lucky babies for sure! Even though you may not have documented like you hoped...nonetheless..what you have done is absolutely beautiful.

    You also look beautiful by the way!

    And can I are more dilated than me...and I'm 40 weeks on Monday! Lol. Hoping for a smooth delivery for you as you welcome your little girl! Congrats again. Xo

  6. You look fantastic! What an exciting time. I bet it's all so crazy. Also, I love "see you tonight!"

  7. I'm pretty sure you look better pregnant than I do right now haha...I want legs as fit as yours. Yeahhh I guess it would make sense that it would be much harder to document the second time around wouldn't it? Good luck mama!

  8. I have to say for a pregnant lady wowzah!!! All the best to you and your super photogenic family ;)

  9. Okay, so that was me at like, 16 weeks. :) Well done. I'm almost one year in to having my 2 little girls and it is so so fun. So so crazy and exhausting, but so fun. :) Excited for you. Sarah @

  10. Gahhhh! The excitement is palpable! Also, you look about 8feet tall in this photo. #modelstatus. Also direction? Really?! Insert disappointed emoji, here.

  11. You look Fabulous for 36 weeks!! I'd never believe it if you told me on the street haha.


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