Blog Every Day in May
After tucking the baby in for the second time last night, this kiss around 3:45 am, I tossed and turned and tried to turn my brain off. I was stuck on names, whether to keep my new or return to my old, something which has troubled me off and on for the past three years. I tried all my tricks to relax, yet nothing worked, and somewhere in the dark restlessness I remembered today's topic.
Something that I struggle with. Something that just doesn't come naturally to me. Something that my mind fights into the wee hours of the night.
I hold on to people-- wanting anyone of any importance to stay in my life, even if they simply had a season that has passed. I hold on to mistakes. I hold on to opportunities missed and chances unfulfilled.
And while holding on can be detrimental, it can also breed good. It can make you fight for love and for what you know to be right. It can give you strength to know who you are and what you stand for-- to hold on to yourself. It can give wing to hopes and dreams that you just can't abandon.
So to me, letting go and holding on are in an intricate dance. Sometimes one leads, sometimes the other, and neither is good at taking control when it should. I need to guide them, to choose when to let each shine. I need to allow letting go to take the lead a bit more, but not to have a solo number. While holding on brings sadness and frustration and anger, it can also bring hope. And what is life without hope?
One day we will get it right, letting go and holding on and me. We will display an intricate waltz that's beautiful to all, of turns and steps that have taken years of practice. They will ebb and flow, fluidity at it's finest. People will wonder how I do it, how do I let things go? And the answer will be time. Time and practice. Lots and lots of practice. At least this is my goal: it's a dream that I choose to hold on to.
**Linking to Just Write.**
LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE