Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I'm Scared of Sh*t

{here i am. blissfully unaware. oh, to go back.}

This is a prompt that I could get serious on- my fears of someone I love getting cancer or my deep fear of failure that sometimes holds me back- but in honor of the baby's birthday (Saturday, by the way, in case you haven't sent your presents) I thought back over my first-time mom fears. Sure, there were those quick jolts awake thinking I'd smooshed him even though he was rooms away or the worries that he'd stopped breathing, but today I want to talk about something far worse: mama's first post-baby poop.

Friends, no one told me. I went into this unaware. Blinders officially on. I had the baby, healed a bit in the hospital, was handed some pain meds and headed on home. It was only upon closer inspection that I realized one of my prized medicines was a softener. I stood there, bottle in hand, mentally counting the days since I'd pood, and realized three was quite a few.

So I took those pills faithfully. That day, the next, and even the next. We'd made it to six days, and still nothing. It was brutal. The waiting, the uncertainty, the fear. Surely all that I had eaten wasn't going to the milk, was it? But heavens above, please let it be. Because six days worth would be... downright frightful.

Let's just say it was bad. Like, they need to explain when you're discharged that you'll be repeating the experience bad. Like, take your pain meds before it happens bad.

You're ceviche, my friends. Ceviche and swollen and muscles are shot. And then this?! Unfair.

Good news is I made it through. And I'll make it through again. You will too. It's not quite as scary as recounted above. It's just the anticipation and the unknown. And the severe discomfort. There is that too. But keep in mind that you've just given birth and are sustaining a little human being. You're kinda, totally superwoman, and you can take this poo on properly.

Plus, unlike me, you'll be armed with knowledge and preparedness that's not usually given.
So for that I say, "You're welcome."

**Hop on over to Story of My Life for more of day 7!**

*I'd like to give a shout-out to my new found friend, Shaylynn. Without her assistance in this matter, I would not have had excrement on my mind so much. Check her out. She's pretty great.*
(And Shay, sorry for the post. It's the truth, and sometimes that just hurts.)



  1. Yes, yes yes! I was terrified about that too! Like, really scared. Mostly because I had a bazillion stitches in that area (TMI, I know) and did NOT need more pain in my lady region!!

  2. Ha! Great post, I can definitely say I learned something new today. Thanks? :)

  3. OMG. With every word I read I thought, "Lord take me now.." She is doing this to kill me. I'm sending you stool softeners for your birthday.

    The more I get to know you the more pissed I get that you live in Austin.

  4. I love the way your posts are so different to most on this challenge ha ha. Thankfully I had no idea about this problem (my wife had a C-section) and I think I'm now going to try and wipe the last 5 minutes of reading from my mind! Good job on warning other poor mums-to-be out there though ... and yes, you certainly all are superwomen.

  5. Omg I know what you mean!!!! You push out a second baby only this one isn't cute and cuddly. People don't tell you about that part either....good for you for breaking the silence!

    1. "You push out a second baby..." This made me LOL at work.

    2. Hahaha... Shannon- SO true!! They should send an epidural home too, along with the eye candy who gives it. ;)

  6. I'm not prego, nor am I going to be anytime soon but WHY don't they tell people this?!? This is the first I have heard of this before...:(

  7. Haha this was such an awesome and uncomfortable post. You ARE a superwoman! And when my time to birth some babes comes, I'll probably be begging you for more raw honesty!

  8. OMG I loved this! No one ever talks about this - you are awesome <3

  9. Yesss WHY does no one talk about poop? You're gonna poop on the table while you give birth, wipe poop from someone elses ass for years, and take the scariest one of your life just days after giving birth. My best friend made her husband come in the bathroom with her for her first #2 (on the second baby) so he could understand how hard this recovery process is. HA

  10. Holy batman I had no idea, but now that you say it, it totally makes sense!! How come this is not common knowledge?

  11. Just another reason I'm terrified of having children... thanks for that.

  12. I was TERRIFIED to poo the first time after having Mia. I'd been telling my doctor of that fear (ha ha, apparently I got REAL comfortable with him) for weeks leading up to delivery. He kept rolling his eyes and told me it was no big deal.
    I had my baby and promptly asked for stool softeners because, you know, I was terrified. I think I went within the first 24 hours after she was born.... and it was NOTHING! I mean, it was totally normal! *Cue- cheering and bragging to anyone who had ears that I pooped and it didn't even hurt!!
    I forgot to ask for stool softeners when I left the hospital. One week later.... *Cue- wanting to die.
    Worst pain of my life. I will never EVER forget to ask for stool softeners again. EVER!

  13. I had no idea about this either! And it WAS painful. LOL, thank goodness we survived!

  14. No baby here (yet) but having survived a pretty gnarly surgery last fall and all the pain meds that go with it, AMEN Sister. Pooping can be so scary at times.

  15. I'm officially in love with you. NO ONE TOLD ME EITHER!!! And on top of extreme emotions and awful pain (I tore bad), I was literally TERRIFIED to go.

    Like... made my mother go to the store to buy me flaxseed and aloe vera (to take as a natural laxative), and as much coffee as I could, even though it's frowned upon for breastfeeding. I couldn't help it... like, cried and cried because I was so scared and I CANT FEEL ANYTHING DOWN THERE SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PUSH AT ALL, and OMG I CAN'T PUSH I HAVE NO MUSCLE CONTROL AND WHAT IF I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL FOR AN ENEMA...

    And then, one day, I just went. I thought I felt like I had to, but then it happened and it wasn't nearly as bad as I was working it up to be.

    And now that I've LITERALLY explained to everyone about my terrifying post-pregnancy bowel movement, I'll be on my way. Lol.


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