Friday, May 31, 2013

And I Will Try To Fix You

And with this, so concludes the...

Blog Every Day in May Challenge.


Disclaimer: This is not a memory of my wedding day. This is a memory of a single moment and the reasons why that moment was so powerful. I look back on that day and smile. I smile the biggest smile that my face can hold. It had a rough start, but became a day full of so much love and laughter that I could barely soak it all in. Our wedding was gorgeous, our reception was magical, and I would JUMP to do it all again. And one day I will write about ALL the good, when I have the time and energy to get that massive quantity down.

That being said, this memory is the hardest to share. It is/was so emotional, in a way that words can't explain. We both knew as it was happening that this was the moment to look down on from above, to lock into a safe place forever. It was beautiful and heart-wrenching, but it wrapped our day up perfectly. I loved it and loathed it and this song still has the power to bring it all rushing back.

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Our day did not start as planned. It was not full of love, it was not full of manis and pedis and mimosas and crisp, clean robes. It was full of utter exhaustion, tears of frustration and words a bit harsh as we tore around getting things done: tables set up, chairs unfolded, everything in the perfect place for the occasion. It was one of the worst mornings of my life, hard and draining and not the way I wanted my day to begin.

But we made it through. We got past the rough morning to say "I do," sealing our love and promises with a kiss. We took photos, made speeches, twirled around the dance floor and laughed with everyone we love. It was exhilarating and it was beautiful. The biggest high I could imagine.

When night had fallen and only the partiers remained, we got on the dance floor once more together, to the song that was too sad to be our first. Lights twinkled above, the late September air wrapped itself around us, and we let ourselves go to the song written for that day- Fix You.

How I wish it didn't fit. How I wish that I didn't have pent-up emotions to release or things to work through. But I did. While it had been blindingly beautiful, it had also been hard.  It had been ours. Our wedding, our day. The joy and pain were so deeply intertwined. I was raw and had no energy to start sifting through. But this song spoke to me. It allowed a little chunk to come loose, to make its way down me and through him. It shouldered some of the burden and allowed for apologies, both spoken and un.

So as tears rolled down my face on that dance floor, Peyton pulled me closer, whispering the words I so needed to hear. The lights guided us home to each other, right there spinning around. And I may not have known if lessons would be learned or how I would let this go, but I did know that he was there. He was there and he wanted to help. And this song, this heartbreakingly beautiful song, was doing its best to fix me with every word.

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Coldplay - Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse


And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you



LIVE THE MURRAYED LIFE

21 comments:

  1. WOW, this was so raw and potent. Thank you for sharing.

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  2. That song is so powerful! What a beautiful and HONEST memory.

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  3. This song is SO beautiful ... we LOVE Coldplay and played around with the idea of using this, because it is so fitting. I'm glad you have such a beautiful memory :)

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  4. What a beautiful post, the words to that song are so powerful. I love Coldplay. I'm so sorry your big day didn't start well. You'll have to renew your vows at some point :)

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  5. *tear. I love that song so much. What a beautiful memory.

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  6. This gave me chills! Great writing, thank you for sharing this memory.

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  7. I am in love with this post. Best way to end the May challenge. Thank you for writing ans sharing this beauty.

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  8. I love this. What an honest and sweet relationship you have. This is a memory I can tell is precious to you. Thanks for sharing it with us.

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  9. I love reading raw and unfiltered posts. Too often people just write about the shiny parts of marriage, but the heart of any marriage is the tough stuff, the bleak moments, and accepting the reality of a partnership. Great post.

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  10. Wonderful post. Even today I can get an inkling of how you felt. I've never heard any Coldplay but the lyrics to this song is beautiful. Thanks for sharing this piece of yourself.

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  11. Gave me goosebumps... beautiful, Christina, and congrats on finishing the challenge... now let's all not blog for, like, a YEAR. ;)

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  12. this is sweet and raw.
    Love it Christina. have a great weekend

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  13. I love that song! And that photo is such an amazing capture of the two of you!

    I completely forgot how much I enjoyed that song and Coldplay until I read this post. Thanks for the reminder:)

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  14. So I tried to comment once… And my phone is acting crazy. So if you get to post, sorry. And aaanyway… First off, that photo is beautiful. Secondly, this post is beautiful… So raw and honest.

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  15. I have chills! This post was beautiful! It gives us just a peek into your marriage. So real, so deep, so full of loyalty and love.
    And that picture is perfect!

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  16. This is a beautiful memory beautifully written! I'm proud of us all for making it to the end :) xo

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  17. that's such a beautiful post! I think all relationships have ups and downs and it's how we get through it all that makes our story worth telling! anyways I hope that you're incredibely happy now... :)

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  18. I'm glad you made it, and although I'm sorry you didn't have the perfect start, I'm glad you could have that moment to share on the dance floor. Beautiful song, lovely photo.

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  19. So yea, I'm commenting on this post again just to say, I miss you. This blog challenge thing being over makes me feel like we've all gone into hiding. Come out come out wherever you are. Or just wait for 2 1/2 more weeks. I imagine after that we'll have some ridiculous pictures and posts to be blogged. Woot woot!

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  20. Beautifully written and so moving. Plus I love that capture of you both.

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Comments are kinda the best and brighten my day! :)

And psst... I'd really love to write back, but usually do so through email, so I hope you're not a no-reply commenter!